“Oh my gosh, you’re so cute!”
“You are my man.”
“thanks for all you have done.”
Girl, there are so many things we could say that would really make our husbands’ hearts melt. I mean, what man doesn’t want to hear how adorable and amazing he is? Well, let me start by saying that there are no one-size-fits-all words to affirm your man and allow him to slowly become yours, but there are three words that will not only encourage and support him as a man, husband and father, but Will help him continue to be strong and become the man God has called him to be! What wife wouldn’t want this! ? So, without further ado, let’s talk about these three words, shall we?
“I need you!”
Yes, those are the words. Just go ahead and put them all in front. No need to scroll down to the bottom of this article to search for them. Here they come! What your husband needs to hear right now – “I need you!”
“So, what’s the big deal about these words?” you might ask. They sound simple, right?
Well, first of all, these three little words let your dear husband know that he is valuable and important while also declaring honor and respect. But honestly, there’s more to it than that. It starts with an idea on your part. Take a moment to reflect on the beginning of your love story. Where it all began. Do you remember “needing” to see him? Feel His closeness or hear His voice?
Early on in our marriage (and even while we were dating), there was a sense of excitement that came with the novelty of this blossoming relationship. There is also an urgent need to be together. You need him. He needs you. So, in essence, “needing each other” and the desire to live together gave way to a proposal that was essentially sealed with a kiss. Wow, newlywed love is so precious, isn’t it?
However, this tender and sweet love does not end there! We have the opportunity to continue to grow in our love for one another by first putting our spouse’s needs before our own and striving to serve them above others (Romans 12:10). Some of your dear husband’s basic needs include feeling respected and admired (Ephesians 5:22-23), having a peaceful environment at home (Proverbs 19:13 and 21:9), and feeling sexually active (Corinthians 7:1-7), and a true sense of companionship (Song of Songs 8:1-2).
Most importantly, when we say, “I need you,” it opens the door to meeting his many needs and encouraging him to be the husband and man you need him to be. Saying “I need you to know that I see what you’ve done for our family” gives him the respect he wants. Say, “I need you to sit with me and tell me about your day,” so he can feel that welcome sense of calm when he comes home from a long day at work. Simply saying “I want you” with a passionate “want” glint in your eye will reassure him that he’s still desirable.
Your husband needs to know he is needed
Men and women may have different needs, but these needs are meant to complement each other, not something we impose on them or use as a means to compete with them for love. When we express and tell our husbands that we need them, and they return the favor, something truly beautiful happens—we begin to experience sacrificial love and God’s divine design for our marriage.
This means that we can nurture and support our husbands’ inner need to nurture and protect their loved ones because it is intrinsically part of their DNA and given to them by their Creator. Time and time again in the Bible we see men leading and providing for their families. However, on the other hand, we also see how men fail to serve or lead well because of insecurities, cowering in fear, or many times because of a lack of support from their wives. Moses, Isaiah, and Abraham were just a few who struggled in this area.
The truth is, your husband essentially needs to know that you need his leadership, provision, and protection. Of course, we have a lot of capabilities and the ability to do a lot of great things. I believe we have an inner strength that even men don’t have because of our ability to tap into a wealth of emotions to survive and thrive.
But while the world wants us (and our men) to believe that we don’t need them and that we can function on “girl power” alone, God created each of us for so much more! God designed women to be helpers because He saw that it was not good for men to rely on themselves (Genesis 2:18). We were made from Adam’s rib (not any other part of his body) and we were designed to walk alongside him and be his faithful companions.
God created humans in such a way that they desire to protect, provide for, and care for His closest and most valuable companions. We are born with a desire to be provided for and cared for. When this need is not met (by either party), the marriage can really suffer. So, tell your husband you need him. You need His leadership, His protection, and His provision. Then support him in these efforts because it shows admiration, respect, and trust and gives him the sense of companionship he deeply craves from you.
Our delivery matters
“I need you to… take out the trash.”
“I need your…help making dinner.”
“I need you to…stop yelling at the kids.”
“I need you to…make it easy for me.”
“I need you…”
you understood. It’s easy for us to single out things our men haven’t done, or point out things we find annoying or even hurtful, causing us to be quick to say emotionally charged things that come across as nagging or blaming. ah. Put it this way, your defensive player will most likely become more defensive than his favorite team’s linebacker.
We all get into trouble from time to time, say things we regret, and may even have some scars on our tongues to prevent us from saying those unfortunate things we so desperately want to say. So the next time you are tempted to say “I need you” in a less than friendly way, stop and seek to understand the nature of your heart. If you need to calm down, take a step back and try another approach because the things we say will either prompt a loving response from our men or they will fall on deaf ears.
One of my favorite movies is princess bride. If you’re familiar with this slightly cheesy ’80s romantic comedy, then you’re well aware of Princess Buttercup’s demands and orders from farm boy Westley. From polishing the saddle to filling the jug, she peered keenly into his soul while adding a tender “please” to the end of her commands, prompting his swooning reply: “As you wish. ”
Why did he respond this way? Because he feels that she really needs him and that only he can provide and care for her. Can you imagine if we asked our husbands for what we need in the same way? Now imagine you look into your husband’s eyes and say sweetly, “Honey, I need you to be that handsome man for me and build a fire to keep us all warm.” His response might not be exactly “like You wish,” but I’m pretty sure that’ll get his attention. ha!
Sister, your delivery is important. The truth is, what you say matters, but even more important is how you choose to say it.
Pray for your marriage
Merciful God, I lift our marriage to You. Please empower us to see and meet the needs of our husbands and use our words wisely. Give us ways to encourage our husbands and help us complement each other. We are so happy that you gave us this beautiful wedding gift, so please help us keep it safe. In the name of Jesus. Amen.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Drazen Zigic
Alicia Sayre is a devoted writer, blogger, and speaker who is passionate about pouring her heart out and leading women of all ages back to Jesus. She has a background in education and a master’s degree in literacy. Her favorite person calls her mom, which is why she spends most of her time cheering them on at softball games or dance classes. She’s married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blonde) who can make a terrible latte. She sips the delicious food while writing her heart out on paper while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.
Related Podcast Resource: 5 Ways to Use Prayer to Keep Your Marriage Alive
One of the most important things you can do for your marriage is to pray for your marriage. It’s great to learn communication skills, conflict resolution skills, and intimacy skills. However, if you leave your marriage exposed by not praying for your spouse and your marriage, it will always be vulnerable. Prayer is an important guiding tool that can bring you and your spouse on the same page and build unity in your marriage. On this episode of Real Relationship Talk, Dana Che shares her acronym, COVER, which teaches you how to pray specifically for your marriage. To listen, just click the play button below:
The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are solely those of the speaker and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Network and Salem Media Group.
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