Whether due to a tragic event or years of suppressed hurt and unforgiveness, many of us have family members who are estranged from each other. That sibling you haven’t spoken to in years. That parent you don’t want to have contact with. For your own health, you need to avoid that uncle.
This can be an emotional and mental struggle. It’s painful when family members stop talking to each other. We all want to see the dream of a happy family on screen. We all want reunions, family memories, family celebrations, etc. But reality often doesn’t match the fantasy.
The situation becomes even more complicated when your family members begin to feel like enemies, slandering you or cutting you off. This can cause a lot of heartache and pain.
While boundaries with those toxic family members are healthy and good, one way we can continue to love our estranged family members while remaining separated from them is through prayer.
But let’s be honest, you might not know how to pray when family drama is heating up, or when everything feels so unfair and hurtful. This is a time when we can turn to scripture for wisdom.
In fact, Psalm 41 is a song by King David, written about a season when David’s enemies rose up against him. He cried out to God for comfort in his pain and spoke honestly and openly about the pain of being attacked by his close community. While he wasn’t necessarily writing about estranged family members, it’s a very relevant passage.
Here are six ways to pray for estranged family members from Psalm 41.
- God bless my family and their loved ones. Save them when they are in trouble. Protect and preserve them, O God; consider them blessed.
“Blessed are those who respect the weak; the Lord saves them in their time of trouble. The Lord protects and preserves them – they are counted among the blessed in the land…” – Psalm 41:1, 2
2. Lord, sustain them when they are sick, and make them well when they are sick.
“The Lord sustains them in their sick beds and restores them from their sick beds. – Psalm 41:3
3. Jesus, have mercy on us both and stop any false accusations or slander that are damaging our relationship.
“I said, ‘Lord, have mercy on me; heal me, because I have sinned against You. My enemies said evilly of me, “When shall he die, and his name perish?” One of them came to me and told lies, full of slander in his heart;
Then he goes out and spreads it around. – Psalm 41:4-6
4. OMG I feel so sad and angry that they betrayed me. Heal my heart and theirs. Let our relationship be fully restored, if you will.
“Even my closest friends, the people I trust, the people I share my bread with, have become[ against me. But may you have mercy on me, Lord; raise me up, that I may repay them. – Psalm 41: 9,10
5. In the meantime, the Spirit of God transforms them (and me) into people of integrity. Uphold and set us all in your presence forever, even though we are not currently in each other’s presence.
“Because of my integrity you uphold me and set me in your presence forever.”- Psalm 41: 12
6. I praise you, oh God, your love is everlasting, even when human love fails.
“Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Amen and Amen.” – Psalm 41: 13
What you’ll be surprised to discover, as you pray this Psalm over your estranged family member(s), is this – though the relationship might not change or be reconciled, your heart will soften and be transformed.
God will meet you in the frustration of it all and invite you into a newer, deeper family relationship with him.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Pheelings Media
This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit
Christianity.com.
2 Comments
I don’t think the title of your article matches the content lol. Just kidding, mainly because I had some doubts after reading the article.
Thank you for your sharing. I am worried that I lack creative ideas. It is your article that makes me full of hope. Thank you. But, I have a question, can you help me?