“God hates divorce. Every married Christian in the Western Hemisphere is familiar with Malachi 2:16 This verse may be used as a warning and encouragement to any Christian sister or brother considering divorce. I believe most of us agree that God prefers married people to stay married and that we should do everything possible to maintain our vows to our partners and the Lord. After all, marriage is a sacred act and the foundation of the family, and divorce is a universal experience of grief.
But as we live in a fallen world full broken people and countless Circumstances are beyond our control, and sometimes our vows fail us.Sometimes the person who swore to love us and protect us takes a serious turn. Spirit and behaviors that bring pain and harm. Sometimes spouses turn away from the Lord completely, Or sink into sin and lose it they themselves, and their ability to love. Unforeseen behaviors like physical abuse, manipulation, and infidelity occur, and we’re left in a state of unfathomable heartache, staring at the seemingly bottomless chasm between. promised What is it.
In addition to all the confusion and conundrums we struggle with, we are often faced with uncomfortable, polarizing questions: Should Christians stay married at all costs? Is it contrary to God’s will to stay in a toxic, unhealthy marriage just to keep our vows? Some say yes. After all, Jesus turned the other cheek and endured His final agony yet still loved those who crucified Him. Let us remember that marriage is a sacrifice, not a vacation. A bad marriage can be unbearable, but life is not about our happiness, God is enough.
This all sounds biblical, but what about when one spouse in a marriage dishonors God by hurting the other? What does the Bible say about abusive relationships that involve behaviors such as spiritual manipulation, financial abuse, infidelity, gaslighting, and physical intimidation? Can staying married under such sad, extreme circumstances be considered a sin?
I believe the best place to start is by examining God’s heart and purpose for marriage. Ephesians 5:22marriage being compared The relationship between Christ and the Church teaches Christian spouses a reflection of this mystery. as God wants Christ and the church to become one flesh (Gal. 3:28, 1 Corinthians 12:13), so He wants marriage to reflect this pattern—husband and wife becoming one flesh (Gen. 2:24).
In the Catholic faith, Christians believe that the sacrament of marriage is a public commitment to another person and a public statement to God.The loving union of husband and wife be seen as an example of god values and family values.
So, what does God expect of those who participate in the sacrament of holy matrimony? Naturally, I could reflect on 1 Corinthians 13 (love endures, love is kind) and then, of course, turn to Ephesians 5:25, which teaches husbands to love their wives, Just as Christ loves the church, wives are to respect their husbands. But it’s true: The purpose of marriage is to demonstrate the love of Christ to our spouse every day. Not just for our own growth and happiness, but so that others (our children, co-workers, neighbors, friends) can see God for who he is and give Him glory. By adopting a lifestyle of self-sacrifice and unconditional love for our spouse, we all become more like Jesus and therefore closer to God.
So when we talk about the possibility that God wishes to annul these vows, we are obviously not talking about leaving a marriage due to bad habits, character flaws, communication issues, loss of attraction, etc. A spouse who remains complacent or “suffers” through periods of extreme dissatisfaction or discord is “stuck”. this is life. These (and many others) are common challenges that require sacrifice, compromise, selflessness, patience, and most likely some decent marriage counseling to resolve with the grace of God. But what happens when one spouse starts abusing the other and is unwilling to change?
Jesus only listed infidelity as a reason for divorce (Matthew 19:9). Does this mean God wants spouses to stay married to their abusers? What about sustained, purposeful verbal attacks? What about a husband or wife’s unapologetic and intentional habit of behaving inappropriately towards the opposite sex? What would Jesus say to us today if he had the opportunity to counsel his beloved daughter or son while his spouse deliberately and permanently broke their vows with no sign of true repentance? Would he consider staying married a sin?
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I believe the answer becomes obvious when we first explore what sin means. Sin is anything that separates us from God. It can be foul language, idolatry, lies, pride, lust, etc. But how can a good thing ordained by God, such as marriage, be sin? Likewise, all other inherently good and godly things, such as sex (when married), food, wine, work, and entertainment, are abused (by millions) every day and turned into practices of gluttony, drunkenness, and idolatry.
I daresay that some spouses remain in unhealthy, God-shaming marriages not out of duty to their vows but out of sin itself. Some would rather raise their children under the roof of a manipulative abuser than endure the “shame” and embarrassment of divorce, thus making marriage less of a sacrament and more of an idol, even something that grieves God mocking. With or without a marriage certificate, I believe that when a spouse continually engages in any of the malicious, harmful behaviors listed above, their vows have been broken. By remaining married to a destructive spouse—even in a legal sense—we not only contribute to sinful behavior, but we perpetuate a corrupted, twisted version of God’s design for marriage in the first place. Everyone around us pays the price.
God is certainly not glorified when children see their mother with an abusive husband who instills a sick view of marriage in the children, thereby being reduced to a verbally battered husk. The beauty of God’s Word does not shine through when friends watch a wife belittle and intimidate her husband for years without any remorse. The majesty of God’s nature fascinates friends who have witnessed a husband financially manipulating his wife for years to control and possess her.
Note that the key factors here are unwillingness and repentance. The biblical meaning of repentance is to turn away from self and toward God. It involves a change of thought that leads to action. It is never okay for one spouse to push the other in anger. A spouse cannot put down another person with words that even bring him to tears.there has never been OK Watching porn or flirting with coworkers.but I Do Believe in any/all sins be forgiven Behavior changes when a spouse experiences true repentance, desires change, and gains trust through proven actions.
In a toxic marriage where a spouse is unwilling or unable to change unhealthy habits, I believe Jesus would say our job is to forgive, not to reconcile. Because on this side of heaven, even after forgiveness, there are still consequences. Galatians 6:8 says: “Those who live only to satisfy themselves my own Sinful desires will reap the consequences of corruption and death.But those who live to please others Spirit will reap eternal life from it Spirit.“
There is a way to forgive an abusive spouse without carrying any pain in your heart when you choose to go your separate ways. It is this same concept that we see when a Christian pastor commits sexual immorality, adultery, or some other egregious act and is rightfully removed from a leadership position. Does he deserve forgiveness from the Lord, His Church, and His victims? Absolutely. But forgiveness doesn’t always equal recovery. Just as a fallen pastor loses the privilege of shepherding God’s people, an abusive spouse should lose the privilege of remaining united with any of God’s children.
I feel like, while we worship the act of marriage in the Christian life, we also somewhat overly denigrate divorce. We view divorce as the next most unforgivable sin. We put divorce on a pedestal of evil, and from the throne of doctrinal evil we look down upon all the lesser sins, with gluttony, malice, lying, complaining, coveting, envy, stealing, and deceit, shouting upward, “At least we There is no breaking our vows to Jesus!
God always values life more than the law. That’s why Jesus healed a lame man on the Sabbath, despite the Pharisees’ condemnation. It was never God’s intention to remain married to an unrepentant spouse to cause lasting harm in order to “preserve” the sacraments. While evil exists in this world, and divorce will exist, for some of us, Jesus remains our only true Groom. Thankfully, his love never failed, no way Hurt, and endure forever.
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Jessica Kastner is an award-winning writer and the author of Hiding the Children in My Prayer Closet. She leads Bible studies at juvenile detention centers with Straight Ahead Ministries and provides unapologetic and genuine encouragement to women at Jessicakastner.com.
