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We are designed and destined from the beginning for companionship. In Genesis 2:18, God said it is not good for man to be alone, which tells us that our Heavenly Father never intended for His beloved children to live this life alone, isolated from the world.
Our God, in His infinite love, seeks first to have a relationship with us (Deuteronomy 6:4, John 17:3). These words may sound easy to say (or even write), but think about it. Our God wants everything to be about you and me! He seeks our hearts, minds, and souls while giving us precious promises worth holding on to and an instruction manual for how to live and love others.
God cares deeply about our relationships with Him and others because He is a relational God (John 17:3). As we read His Word, He even provides us with a beautiful description of what our relationships should look like according to His will. He calls us to first obey Him and then to serve our spouse faithfully (Ephesians 5:21-33). He requires that we raise our children responsibly (Proverbs 22:6) and honor our parents (Ephesians 6:1-3). He also had much to say about friendship, for he knew that “sweet friendship” can renew our souls (Proverbs 27:9).
Dear brothers and sisters, fellowship is not optional, it is necessary for us to live a fulfilling and rich life. But while we may know this to be true, it’s not always easy to build and cultivate Christ-centered friendships, especially since they are still marked by two imperfect people.
Perhaps you find yourself going through a season of loneliness fraught with danger, or enduring a friendship that comes with a little confusion or a sense of conviction. God often places us at different stages in life so that we can only rely on and trust Him (Proverbs 3:5-6). It also gives us room to grow and learn more about ourselves and others.
So wherever you are today, I invite you to settle your heart and calm your soul by holding on to the powerful words of Jesus. Let’s find out what he has to say about building and nurturing love-centered friendships.
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1. We must first obey Jesus.
If we want to imitate Jesus in our friendships and find these types of friends, we must understand Him and what His Word says on this matter. Loving people was his ministry. His mission is to show and share compassion while serving others. Our Savior showed kindness, spoke the truth (John 16:33), and was completely selfless (John 3:16).
Friendship was important to Jesus because we see this intentional and purposeful communication between Him and His beloved disciples and close friends (John 12:1-3). If we want to build Christ-centered friendships, we must first ground ourselves with Christ. We can do this through prayer, deep study of His Word, and following His example.
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2. Understand the qualities of a Christ-like friend.
Christ-centered friendship knows its place and does not ask for more or less than God wants. Loyal friends respect and honor priorities and commitments while inspiring you to be a devoted husband or wife, a loving parent, and a compassionate son or daughter. More importantly, they must encourage each other to rely on our most trustworthy friend—Jesus!
- 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says that a true friend will encourage you and build you up. They listen and offer love and support.
- James 5:16 tells us that friendships grow through vulnerability when we share our struggles. While it’s not always easy and requires a level of trust, when we feel real and raw about the messy parts of our lives, it empowers us to turn to God and seek Him through prayer. These friends are your prayer warriors!
- 1 Peter 4:8-10 shows that friendship is a beautiful exchange in which each person contributes his or her time, energy, and gifts, investing in the relationship. It’s about reciprocity.
- In Proverbs 17:17, Solomon shared that true friends love each other at all times, even in difficult times and places. Even if it’s hard, they will lead you back to the truth!
- Proverbs 27:17 says a good friend will make you a better version of yourself. They know your blind spots and will (gently) point them out, but it’s all about growing you and making you more like Christ!
A friend who loves Jesus will love you too. This is a call for us to do the same. What a beautiful interaction!
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3. Invest in your relationships.
So this begs the question: is all this work worth it? I can truly relate to this sentiment, especially during a season of endless, high demands and constant stress from raising a family, caring for aging parents, and juggling a career. Sometimes it seems like a stretch of the imagination to create space for another relationship that requires more energy and effort.
But the most important thing in these precious relationships is that no pain you sow leads to no gain. If you sow the seeds while working on becoming the kind of friend you want, in God’s perfect timing, you will begin to see some truly special flowers bloom.
These relationships take time and do need to be maintained. However, having said that, Ecclesiastes 3:1 says that there is a time for everything under heaven. This is certainly the case when it comes to our friendship. Some friends will come and go, and some will stay longer, but we must choose to see them all as blessings and treat them as such. This investment is well worth it and will satisfy the desire for connection that God has created in us.
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4. Focus on discipleship and responsibility.
Christ-centered friendship is about having a gospel-centered mindset. The core behind these friendships allows us to use God’s Word as our guide (Psalm 119:105). We realize that Jesus is our best friend and that we are all ultimately His disciples. How neat is that? Because Jesus loved his disciples, he welcomed a new kind of love, “the love of friendship.”
This kind of friendship love, also called phileo love or brotherly love, is mentioned in the New Testament (John 16:27) and shares how our connection with Jesus brings us closer to our Heavenly Father. As we humbly submit and follow Christ together, we seek accountability that enables us to grow and become more and more like Him. This love is essential to our relationship with Christ because it holds us accountable for every choice, action, deed, or word we say. Our discipleship friends can help us when we get off track or are lost in the depths of sin (Galatians 6:1-2). And then lovingly guides us back to Christ in the process (Matthew 18:15-17).
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5. Always love.
What does it mean to love always? Proverbs 17:17 describes a godly friendship based on dependability, loyalty, compassion and persistence, intentionality and presentness. Love shows tenderness and kindness while giving grace and forgiveness. A friend who loves one another always will love as God commands, no matter the circumstances (John 15:12).
Jesus used the metaphor of the vine and branches to show that our relationships should grow in love, but we can only do this if we abide in Him. He is the vine and we are the branches, so without Him, apart from Him, we are nothing. In the context of love, this means that we cannot love like Jesus unless we seek Him with all our heart. This will make room for Him to help us love according to His purposes.
Jesus tells us that He is the way, the truth, and the life. So as we strive to love our friends moment by moment, let us hold on tight to the vine. Then we will bear the fruit of love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, and self-control (Galatians 6:22).
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6. Embrace servanthood.
Jesus epitomizes the heart of a servant. If we want to cultivate Christ-centered friendships, we must embrace a servant spirit. Along with seeking Jesus wholeheartedly, this has to be the most pivotal moment and turning point in a Christ-centered friendship. Perhaps this kind of purposeful action makes us selfless like Christ.
The point is we can work on being a good friend, investing time and energy in holding our friends accountable, and even loving them sincerely, but it means nothing if we don’t put ourselves aside and serve humbly.
Jesus asks us to follow His lead and example by loving others with tender compassion and gratitude, just as He did when He washed the disciples’ feet (John 12:12-16). Jesus shows us that service and friendship must go hand in hand. It forces us to put aside our to-do lists, step away from daily distractions, and set our minds, hearts, and eyes on those who truly need a compassionate hand, a gentle spirit, or a considerate gesture (Philippians 2 : 3-5).
As a faithful and humble servant of our friends, Jesus is able to move divinely and open our eyes to see others the way He sees them. It creates space to meet with a grieving friend and listen to her heart. It’s delivering coffee to a brother who’s struggling in his marriage. This is a prayer with a friend who is struggling with health issues. Make time to “wash the feet” of your friends, meet them where they are, and love them the same.
Heavenly Father, we thank you for the gift of friendship and ask that you help us build and cultivate these precious relationships so that we can honor and glorify you. Amen.
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This article originally appeared on Christian.com.For more faith-building resources, visit
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Originally published on Saturday, May 11, 2024.