Any kind of breakup is bound to bring some kind of heartache. When someone goes through a season or seasons in their life and then you have to face a future without them, it can feel jarring and a bit burdensome. When breaking up with a friend, especially a best friend, it can be difficult to know how to move on, adjust, and live without the person you once called your closest friend. This breakup won’t be easy, but there’s hope for the future, even one that feels so unknown.
When it comes to a romantic relationship, there’s almost an automatic safety device deep inside that guards against the possibility that the relationship may end. In a platonic relationship, this protective barrier is rarely placed in a person’s heart because no one thinks or expects that the friendship should end. Romantic partners will come and go, but you never expect a friend to leave your life, so when an unexpected breakup does happen, it can feel worse than a romantic breakup. In the Bible, we see that a friendship experiences a different kind of bond than a bond with a romantic partner; one that is grounded and bound by the soul. 1 Samuel 18:1 says, “Jonathan’s soul was joined to David’s soul, and Jonathan loved David as his own soul.” David and Jonathan developed a deep friendship through vows and commitments. Many of us can relate to this relationship. When such a relationship breaks down or is severed, it can feel earth-shattering about how to move forward or carry on in the new normal.
new normal
Like habits, people become part of our daily lives. Maybe the friendship you lost was the one you called them every night while you were preparing dinner, or the one you shared every detail of your life with. When that friendship no longer exists and the habit of communicating with them on a daily basis is no longer there, you can feel as though your life has been taken away from you. You must develop a new normal, one without the person who was once a core aspect of your existence. Cultivating a new normal will take you out of your comfort zone, but it’s a great place to hang out with God and understand how He wants your days to go. It may feel like a replacement at first, but over time, you’ll find that this new normal can be something you enjoy just as much, if not more, because it was designed by God and you. Restoring the good and healthy habits of your past won’t erase your memories of the past, but it will help you move into your new present. The new normal is rarely what we want, but it doesn’t have to be something you can’t enjoy one day.
takes time to heal
Much of the journey after a breakup from an intimate partner requires dedicated space and time to heal. This healing can occur through counseling with a trained therapist, and there is nothing wrong with seeking mental health assistance during difficult times. The input provided by a third party may allow you to see your role in the breakup, unhealthy or harmful aspects of a previous relationship, or other details that can give you an understanding and perspective on how things came to be. Therapy also comes with a deep desire to spend time with God. Only in time with God can we experience true healing on a soul level. During this time, God may reveal things to you that were previously unknown or provide comfort for things to come. A friendship that no longer exists is like death, and taking time to mourn can benefit you greatly because you no longer hold on to the pain of death.
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forgive
Forgiveness is another key aspect of healing and moving on. They say, “It takes two to tango,” and as you move into life without the people you once held so dear, you may find yourself replaying parts of conversations, experiences, and friendships in your mind. . You may find that you have to forgive yourself for behaviors that contributed to the decline of the friendship and forgive the other person for how they hurt you. Remember the wisdom given in Ephesians 4:31-32: “Put away all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and all malice; love one another, be gentle, and forgive one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.” Invite God into the process and let Him work within you to truly forgive everyone involved.
release them to God
Ultimately, you need to release this person to God for the rest of your life. Some friends are meant to be in your life for a while, while others are meant to be with you for life. Even though we may not always understand why, we must trust that God has a purpose, plan, and precise timing for the person in our life. If they don’t move into the next chapter of their life with you, it may be for reasons far beyond our understanding, in which case we must trust God to know what is best in His perfect time. Process the anger, hurt, and feelings that come from the breakdown of the relationship, then remove your hands from the situation and lay them at his feet. You may not know until Heaven why things turned out the way they did, but keep praying to keep your heart and mind aligned with Him so He has the pen to write your story, including the characters for each season. Remember, most importantly, we have an intercessor, a friend, and a true confidant who will never leave us in the Lord.
An everlasting friendship with God
Humans will let you down, but God will not. John 14:26 shares the truth that God will not leave us: “But when the Father sends you an Advocate, the Holy Spirit, who is my representative, he will teach you everything and remind you of everything I have told you. ” Some translations call the Holy Spirit a helper or friend, whom we can never live without. This is why our most important thing is not to have the deepest relationship with humanity, but to have the deepest relationship with God. He is the only One who will never leave, forsake, or forsake you, in all seasons of His life on earth and in heaven. God graciously provides us with partners on this side of heaven to accompany us through life, but some of these relationships are not meant to last a lifetime. Rely on His wisdom and what He sees behind closed doors, and trust Him in the people He brings into and out of your life. Remember, you are never truly alone, and while losing a friend can be painful, the pain won’t last forever.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Paolo Cordoni
Kelly Logan is a writer and American history teacher from Richmond, Virginia. In her free time, she enjoys mentoring young people and spending time in nature.she is Hang in there, girl! and Dear Future Husband: A Journey of Waiting for God’s Best Love Letters. Check her out on Instagram and Twitter, @CallyLogan and TikTok Cally_Logan.
Listen: Let our Bible study experts help you start the new year off right!
Have you chosen one word to describe this year? Whether you choose a word every year or one you’ve never chosen before, I think this episode will help you plan your life for the year ahead. If you don’t know what your commitments are, today might be a good day for you to hear some of the things we are promised in Christ that you can claim for yourself in 2024 by faith. Remember, each of these words requires faith.
The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are solely those of the speaker and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Network and Salem Media Group.
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