The line between love and hate, passion and pain (especially if you’ve experienced trauma)
It feels as thin as a sliver.The reasons for this are complex, but it’s important to know
When researchers placed two strangers on a dangerous swinging bridge, the strangers
are more likely to be attracted to each other than when sitting on a park bench or standing
Side by side in the produce aisle.It’s important to know that fear can deepen relationships
This bond is more than just the little bubbles of oxytocin floating happily between caregiver and caregiver
baby. Bonds can be as heavy as chains that can tie you to the relationship even if you stand your ground.
Hands willingly stretched out, asking to be tied.
Ongoing relationship conflict, especially when involving repeated betrayals, fear, and trauma,
Triggering our nervous system into a permanent state of alert. Similar to the feeling of loneliness,
Sadness, disappointment, and even anger can be suppressed, as history has shown
Predictably, attempts at communication can turn into contempt and isolation.we become
Being disconnected from ourselves can unconsciously grieve a part of us that has long been dormant.
Emotions that were once easily accessible are completely swallowed up by a single focus: we must
Don’t lose the relationship. We unknowingly abandon ourselves because of the fear of abandonment.
It could be a trauma bond and like
Is it trauma bonding or love? Are relationships really that black and white – right?
Wrong – is that good or bad?how do we sometimes reconcile [even good] love can hurt and
Identify what is healthy and what is toxic?What should we do when faced with very real scenarios?
Is it possible to love someone with whom you have a trauma connection, and that’s where the pain lies?
Intimacy and intensity
Love, at its best, promotes growth in both parties; it is characterized by mutuality.Intimacy is
This engine of growth, which means ongoing familiarity, friendship and intimacy
Nurtured by a couple who believed that what was good for me must be good for us and embodied
No matter what the situation, their commitment.Sometimes this stance takes the form of opposition to
Intuitive way. Hold partners accountable firmly but kindly.when it is unreasonable
Everything we got was unreasonable. We must face this kind of love bravely.we must be willing
Choose courage over comfort, choose to be better over getting along, choose to dive in headfirst.
Heartbroken.
Trauma bonds create intensity where one person takes on the role of victim and the other takes on the role of victim
The perpetrator. Fear and excitement are mixed with passion and vulnerability.A promise is often a
Moving targets, one person leaning forward, the other person leaning out and threatening to give up
Or betrayal looms intermittently.This intermittency is the hook; scattered
Between the scorn, the withdrawal, and the intense drama, there can be sweetness,
Tempting, even interesting. Not much, but enough.Enough to keep us coming back because
At its core, trauma bonding is an addiction.Like any addiction, we lose the ability to freely choose
To stop or continue a behavior – to stay or to leave our partner.trapped in a
Over time, this relationship can adversely affect our health, freedom, jobs, families, and lives.
Friendships, we become depleted and neglect cultivating those things that would bring us good
Strength and empower us to make healthier choices.
But there are exceptions. Sometimes chronic ambivalence, oscillating between leaning outward and leaning in, is a strategy to avoid deeper commitment. But other times, we procrastinate because we fear and want to prevent the inevitable—that moment when we face consequences and have to operate safely with a partner who won’t do the same.
self education
The truth is, it’s not enough to know how to differentiate between trauma bonding and love.most of us
Know that swinging on that dangerous bridge can be fraught and the climax can be quite spectacular
But the lows are slowly killing us.That’s not far from the truth: Harvard study
Adult Development is the most extensive study of its kind, establishing the close correlation between adult development
High conflict, lonely relationships and poor health.It turns out that bad relationships can be worse
More important to you than smoking. This feeling of loneliness, especially with people you don’t have access to, is a feeling of isolation.
It is a unique kind of pain that lacks the peace and comfort our hearts and minds need to thrive.
Admitting that we have trauma connections with our loved ones is painful: filled with shame,
Confusion and underlying anticipatory sadness unknowingly keep us trapped. Healing is a long road.
No amount of ongoing or short-term treatment will help if we don’t address the core issue:
Trauma Bonds. As powerful as it sounds, it’s doable.There are many essential
Resources, classics, etc. Betrayal of bonds Patrick Kearns, no longer dependent on each other through melody
beatty and Bold Author: Brené Brown.
change your perspective
Learn (slowly) to change your perspective and realize that (various) bonds are
Not good or bad, but essentially neutral, evolved to serve a purpose: to make connections and
Promote connections that support (and enhance) survival.This means that your relationship, at its best, is
It is the physical and psychological footprint of your desire to love and be loved – the formation of
Healthy attachments. Even though things went wrong, nothing could change that.
grif
And sadness; be as contradictory (and unpleasant) as possible, making room for any sadness
You’ve pushed it away because it’s too painful and this is your key to breaking free from the trauma bond because
Grief is the sister of acceptance, and acceptance is facing reality.reality is not like this
The relationships you dream about or desire, but the relationships you’re in – trauma bonds and all.
Even if the relationship lasts, it will change.your relationship, or your relationship
What you thought you already had, or what you hoped for, no longer exists. Although it is hard to believe,
Ultimately, this may lead to something healthier that you can’t see yet.
We will have many relationships in our lives, sometimes with one person, sometimes with one person
numerous.While this may sound provocative, it is essentially a hopeful stance
Full of grace: We can change, heal, and improve ourselves.With diligence, patience and
With the right support, we can free ourselves from the bonds of trauma and form secure attachments and love
Excellent.