Have you noticed the recent influx of media marketing? Post after post offers workshops or courses to help you “become the best version of yourself” as you pursue your dreams or change the world with your passion.
Am I the only one who gets anxious when I see these posts? There is almost a subliminal message saying:
- You are not good enough.
- You need to work harder.
- Everyone else is determined to do better.
- You’d better keep up.
I don’t know about you, but the thought of these accusations makes me look for a paper bag to breathe.
When I start to be overwhelmed by a stream of “shoulda, woulda, coulda” thoughts, I know it’s time to shut down the voice in my head.
I don’t know about you, but comparing yourself to others is tiring. However, as a middle child and a natural people pleaser, I naturally compare myself to those who are more motivated than me. When I do this I fail every time.
What to lose? I’m glad you asked.
Living for the approval of others is never a goal worth pursuing. Let’s face it; pleasing others is an ever-moving target. We’ve all heard “you can’t please everyone all the time,” so if you’re a people-pleaser you’ll go out of your way to try to live up to everyone else’s standards of success.
When you succumb to other people’s standards, you also lose your inner peace. Because you’ll constantly be comparing your performance to others, or changing your goals based on other people’s comments.
So, what can you do? For me, freedom from people-pleasing comes in many ways. First and most importantly, when I surrender my life to Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I am given new life because of the Spirit of God in Christ.
Once I was enslaved to transgression and sin, I found God freed me. Through the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit, the peace of God began to reign in my heart and mind in Christ Jesus (see Romans 6 and Philippians 4:7).
When I realized that God created me for His glory and not my own, I learned that the most important pleaser is the Lord my God. Wow – what a relief!
I no longer need to seek approval from others.
The only standards I have to live by are the standards by which Jesus has called me to a relationship with Him.
So what is this standard?
In Mark 12:30-31, the religious leaders asked Jesus what his priority in life was. Jesus’ response had two aspects:
- Love God with all your heart.
- Love others.
Now, don’t try to reduce this statement to “God doesn’t care about my sin; God doesn’t care about my sin.” What matters is love. ” Because the truth is, if you love God with all your heart, then the evidence of that love is your desire to obey His commands.
Jesus said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (John 14:15). So, there is no way around this problem. If you want nothing more than to please God, then your love for Him will cause you to obey Him.
The second part of Jesus’ response in Mark 12 is to love others as you love yourself. This is the interesting part of the statement. Unless we live in love for Jesus, we cannot love others in the selfless way God commands. Because when we love Him rightly, what flows from us is His selfless love for others.
When you live to know the Lord, love the Lord, and have His love poured out of your life into those around you, you will learn the secret of letting go of people-pleasing.
You see, when you draw near to God, He promises to draw near to you. The closer you get to Jesus, the more clearly you will be able to discern with the heart of Christ what He wants you to do in your life—rather than comparing yourself to what others are doing in their lives (see James 4: 8, 1 Corinthians 2:16).
There’s nothing wrong with looking ahead and setting some God-driven goals. It is wise to spend quiet time alone with the Lord every day and seek His will for your life.
But more important than setting goals is the time you spend with Jesus. Because spending time with Him through prayer, Bible study, and waiting in His presence is the secret to living the life you were meant to live.
As you resolve to live in His presence, you will discover that the key to freedom from the bondage of others is to please others.
Rhonda Stoop is a pastor’s wife, speaker, and author. As the “No Regrets Woman,” Rhonda has over 20 years of experience helping women live a life without regrets. Through humor and honest communication, she applies sound teachings from the Bible to help women build regret-free lives. Rhonda has appeared on radio shows and spoken at women’s events, MOPs, and homeschool conferences across the country.Rhonda Stoop’s books Mothers raise sons to be men is coaching thousands of mothers to guide their sons toward a life without regrets.her new book I’d be happy if my husband would change: And other myths wives believe is helping countless women create regret-free marriages.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund
release date: January 16, 2017
1 Comment
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